


breathe

by starting with a story (SongofThunder)



Series: and the day goes on, and on, and on [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Second person POV, but it's a story so it's not a vent, but like once, it's got the same emotions I was venting about, it's not even relevant tbh it's just a description of the area, part a vent? I guess?, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 05:25:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16033898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongofThunder/pseuds/starting%20with%20a%20story
Summary: Sometimes you feel like you are drowning.





	breathe

Sometimes it feels as if you are drowning.

Not literally, of course. You don’t get nearly enough rain in your area for that. And you don’t go swimming except in the summer because the only pool you have access to is never heated in the winter, and that means unless you want to cryogenically preserve yourself you have to stay out.

But whenever you’re sitting on the bus, staring out the window, or making another long walk to your class (the Algebra classroom on the second floor in the D Hall is so far from R21 in the portables, why is it so far, it’s just tiring to walk that far)- you feel as if you are drowning.

You have the same clenched feeling in your chest, the same type your lungs make when you’re running out of air.

You have the same feeling of panic. Of being unsure if you’ll get out in time, and take that cleansing breath that will allow you to live.

It takes three minutes for a human to begin to drown. Any longer than that and you either pass out or receive irreversible brain damage.

Only right now?

You’ve been drowning far longer than three minutes. No, you’ve been drowning for a long while. How long has it been? You don’t remember. (Four years, a summer and three weeks, ever since the beginning of your freshman year? It could be any of those, but you don’t have the strength or the courage to figure out which it is.)

Your family says it’s the stress.

Supposedly your family has never dealt with stress well. Genetically, or ingrained.

But you shouldn’t be stressed, you tell yourself.

Your grades are alright, despite you slacking off a little. Straight A minuses and one B. Those are alright for your GPA, right? You’re a GATE kid, all because you got lucky on that one test in the second grade.

(Sometimes you wish you’d done worse, because maybe then you wouldn’t have to be ‘smarter’ and ‘better’ and ‘more organized’ than those kids who slacked off in second grade but work so much harder now.)

There are worse. One of your closest friends who moved- the singer- she has horrible grades. She should be far more stressed than you are.

Hell, there are a ton of factors that you shouldn’t be stressed about. You live in a nice place. There’s no rape or crime or police sirens shrieking through the night. (Well, okay, there’s a little, but there’s not nearly as much as there could be, and when you take night walks sometimes, there’s no ominous or foreboding feeling. You’re safe.)

You don’t have to worry about what will be on the table next- you’re not forced to eat bugs like some famished countries.

None of your family serve in the army, or the navy, or the Marines, or the Air Force. You’ve only lost three people in your life, ever, and all three of those you lost to cancer.

Everyone else has more struggles. You’re absolutely sure of it. You got lucky, and you do alright in the subjects that count.

So this can’t be stressed. You shouldn’t be worried about your future, or saving up for a rainy day, or being worried about yourself because you look back on yourself and you don’t like what you see.

(Well, okay. That part is true, and you hate that you’re a different person around different people and that you sometimes hate people for no reason other than they have this dopey, smug look on their face that’s popular in this time, but that’s just teen angst. Everyone goes through it. Right?)

You’re not stressed. You haven’t been. You’re fine.

But then why do you feel like you’re drowning?


End file.
